I Had No Idea

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I had no idea. My mom and I played the "I love you more" game when I was a kid. She would say, "I love you." I would reply, "I love you more." She would come back with, "I love you most." And we would fight back and forth about who loved who most. I really believed I loved her more than she loved me. 15 years ago, I realized she was right. I held this little tiny human in my arms and I completely lost my heart. I had no idea as I held Precious A that day that my heart would feel so much love and fear and joy and pain and delight and sorrow all at the same time.  As I held her that day I studied every inch of her.  I loved her scrunched up nose, squishy cheeks and blond hair.  I loved the way her fingers instinctively closed around mine.  I loved the noises she made in her sleep. I … [Read more...]

The First Days are the Hardest

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Whine!! Whine!! Whine!! Back and forth.  Back and forth. Back and forth. All. Day. Long. The most difficult thing about homeschooling for me is the sudden change between summer and school.  During the summer the small fries lack their normal routine and schedule. They wake up when they wake up.  They stay up until the sun goes down.  They play pretty much all day (once their chores are done, of course!!). There isn't a whole lot of structure during the summer months though.  It's the best part of being a kid. The transition from summer freedom to school routine has been even worse this year.  It literally created monsters!!  (Ever seen a Mommy Monster?  I swear they are real.  I am pretty sure I saw one last week.) This summer they had even more freedom with their time … [Read more...]

And so it Begins

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Summer came so quickly I almost didn't notice it's appearance. And now, it's gone again and another school year takes its place. All four of the small fries are in school now.  (And the biggest of the small fries isn't so small anymore.  She's more like a medium fry who happens to be only half an inch shorter than I am!!) A Kindergartner, a 1st grader, a 3rd grader, and a freshman. How on earth did this happen? The minutes seem long indeed but the years have been so short...much too short. Because I spent all of labor day weekend frantically trying to finish painting (didn't finish!), I wasn't prepared to take first-day-of-school pictures. So I got them on day two!! Besides everyone takes first day of school photos, right?!  I predict 2nd day photos will become the new … [Read more...]

My First Hair Cutting Class

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This Saturday I hosted my first hair cutting class. Big D thought of the idea when we were talking about how to raise money for Precious A's and my trip to Haiti in November. It was a great idea!! We all had a blast and they learned how to do four basic haircuts. Like I said in the first post about the class (Hair Cutting Class Details), this is not a replacement for cosmetology school.  It is for those who already cut hair at home for their family or would like to save some money by cutting their family's hair at home.  You don't get a license, so you can't charge for haircuts just by taking this class.  But you do get some confidence and some practice with a skill set that can come in handy over the years. Participants in the class learned proper technique for holding … [Read more...]

Flashback to the Past

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Most of my childhood memories come from when we lived in Farmington, New Mexico.  I wasn't born there, but it's definitely my home town. We moved to Farmington a month before my 10th birthday.  I remember so vividly my dad teasing my friend who came over for my birthday dinner.  Every time she would take a bite of food, my dad would ask her a question.  She would so politely finish chewing all her food before answering.  After several of those exchanges, my dad started laughing and apologizing!  I can't believe after that first visit she still wanted to be my friend and even became one of my best friends!! I have so many memories from Farmington. On our vacation this year we spent the night in Farmington.  Big D had played in a baseball tournament at the local ball park when he … [Read more...]

Home

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I can't believe it has been 8 weeks since we moved. The days have been so full.  Baseball, painting, bush removal, swimming, painting, changing electrical outlets and switches, painting, vacation, garage organizing, and then more painting.  (Can you tell there is a lot of painting to be done?)     Sitting at the computer this morning I remember how much I love to write.  How something in my mind opens when I pick up a pen or move my finger over the computer's square keys.  I reflect more when I write.  I process my thoughts by getting them out on paper (or screen!). As a kid I moved quite a few times.  As a young adult I moved a lot.  Precious A and I made 6 moves in 7 years. When we moved to OKC 8 years ago, I was so relieved to finally be somewhere … [Read more...]

My Positive Abortion Story…A Response

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It will be 16 years tomorrow that I lay on a table eerily similar to the one I saw in Emily Latt's video.  I remember the gown, the gas, the feel of the air, the smell. I can close my eyes and feel the moment my unborn child left my body. I can feel my body's resistance that suddenly broke into emptiness. I remember the relief I felt when it was over. "Now my life can go on, just like it was before," I thought. I can't write without tears because I remember all of it. I remember seeing Precious A's sonogram at 8 weeks almost exactly a year later.  Watching her busy hands, her feet.  Seeing her heartbeat.  Hearing it's rhythmic drum.  I remember the stab of guilt and shame knowing I silenced the heart of another at exactly the same age. A positive abortion story, the video … [Read more...]

A Gift and A Blessing

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As a lot of you know, I am taking Precious A to Haiti in November to meet a girl we have sponsored for the last 8 years through Compassion International.  When one of my mom's friends found out what we were doing she made an amazing offer to help. Last Christmas my family received this beautiful hand-painted ornament in memory of my grandma who had passed away the previous year. When Val heard that I was taking Precious A to Haiti she offered her talents to help us raise money to get there. Her ornaments are breathtakingly beautiful, personal, and unique. She made this one for Princess L when her bird died recently.  She was able to paint Kiwi from a picture I sent her and has one of Princess L's favorite verses on the back. Princess L LOVES it!!  We are … [Read more...]

Update on Little C

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She's my big sister, so obviously I think she is pretty amazing. I always have. But over the last few years our relationship has grown and developed in ways I never imagined it could when we were kids. If you knew us as kids, I bet you have a hard time believing it too!! About 7 years ago we had a conversation about religion. It was one of many we had had before. She believed that all religion was basically the same. I believe there is one way, one truth, one life. We couldn't have been more different. To me, although I believe firmly in absolute truth, I also believe faith is personal, between a person and God. In rejecting what I believe, a person is not rejecting me. So I never took it personally that my sister disagreed with me, and she and I could always talk calmly … [Read more...]

When Tomorrow Breaks Your Heart Today

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I got her email a few weeks ago.  A quick note from my sister thanking us, her family and friends, for our prayers.   Little C, my sweet 2 year-old-nephew, was going in for his second EEG the following day, she told us. The epilepsy discovered through his first EEG in late August had not improved like his doctor hoped it would.  This time they were going to look for something that might tell them more, a certain brain wave pattern that marks a form of epilepsy called Lennox-Gastaut Syndrom or LGS. At the end of her email was a link to learn more about LGS LGS is rare, and after reading the bleak outlook for LGS patients, words like degenerative, mental retardation, life long care, loss of abilities, non-responsive to treatment, my heart broke for the tomorrow that was on its … [Read more...]